The story above is a perfect example of traumatic bonding. The worse one is treated in childhood, the more they become bonded with their abuser (even if the bond is formed in hate-or unconditional love/fear from the child) and the kicker is; once a child is traumatized, they become ‘energetically’bonded to future relationships, friendships and work-places, with people who have the exact same abusive energy as their original abusers!
In this case it’s clear to the child that he’s being treated badly, however, the problem with Trauma Bonds is that those who were raised with functioning Malignant Narcissists or highly functioning pathological Psychopaths, the abusive bond formed is unclear to the child, including once that child is grown!
What happens then is that the young adult, or full adult will one day recognize that they have a history of bad relationships behind them, one more painful than the next! And one day.. after repeated contact with highly functioning Malignant Narcissists and or highly functioning pathological psychopaths one will have reached the point of suicide, and if they hold on…one more minute that’s when it’ll happen! They will break down the maladaptive, dysfunctional Ego (Inner protector) which was put firmly in place to survive an abusive childhood and surrender!
Upon surrender, the ready to end it all adult will look within! Once they have broken down their protective Ego’s they will be forced to see that they’ve lived a very uncomfortable, painfully comfortable life of repeated abusive relationships! Then and only then, will the adult be open to the fact that they’ve been caught up in some kind of sick abusive cycle their entire lives! The stories will all have been different enough to make the connection hard, but the feelings that each story produced will be the exact same!
This type of maladaptive, unsuitable or counterproductive behavior looks to outsiders like, one is ‘Short Circuiting’, because it is behavior that is inappropriate to a given situation. So, one caught in Traumatic Bonding, may have had one or two people in their past that recognized their dysfunctional self-sabotaging ways and brought it to their attention, but the firmly in place inner protective Ego, will not allow the person to see or accept that they’ve played a role in their own life of abuse! Usually one will be in such a deep denial that they can-not see reality as it is.
Here this innocent child, has been locked in a room, with only a lamp, not even a lamp shade, no bed, no other furniture, nothing to keep warm, little to no food.. no outside contact with friends or anyone that could help him- he finally breaks free, and runs nearly a mile to an old schoolmates home.. and when his friends mother answers the door to find him freezing without shoes or a jacket in December. The boy still refuses to tell the truth, in an effort to protect his abusive parents!
This type of protective behavior is what Mental Health Professionals call personality disorders!
Patrick Carnes wrote a book on this type of self-sabotaging behavior and called it, “The Betrayal Bond; Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.” In which, he concludes that "Loyalty to that which does not work, or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive, or destructive to you, is a form of insanity."
Some of the signs are "misplaced loyalty, inability to detach, and self-destructive denial." Then, the punch line, “You will never mend the wound without dealing with the betrayal bond." Time won't heal it, compulsive or addictive behaviors won't numb it away, therapy won't cure it, spirituality won't work...none of it will help unless you confront the trauma bond itself. ~ Adapted from the book, “The Betrayal Bond; Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.”
There are many others (myself included) who have been on the edge, and have broken down to the point of ending it all.. and have miraculously come back from the edge.. willing to look within, and finally accept & heal their Trauma Bonds!
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to innocent children who grow into innocent adults every day! If you feel that you may be Traumatically Bonded to people who hurt you..
Check out my Personal Empowerment Coaching, ‘Featured’ page here… http://blog.wizpert.com/love-tears-i-will-suvive/ where you can link up with me on various sites for help!
Additionally check these amazing sites out! Below, are a few links from others who have awakened to their own Trauma Bonding to abusers..